Quasimodo's Good Quality
by Megara and Hades
Summary: The jester suggests that Quasi finds a good quality that he possesses to impress a new girl to get over Esmeralda.


"Nice guys always finish last," Clopin Trouillefou proclaimed as he reclined back, putting his arms behind his head. "Those are just the rules."

"Well I don't like those rules," replied Quasimodo. "Those rules are unfair."

"You can't beat yourself up over Esmeralda Quasi, she was a wild bird, she never would have stayed."

"I suppose you're right," sighed the hunchback.

"But we _can_ find you a new girl," voiced the jester.

"How are we suppose to do that if nice guys finish last? It's not like I have the looks..."

"We just have to find another quality in you that girls can't resist."

"Like what?"

"Well, we know that bad boy is out..."

"You don't think I can be bad?" Quasimodo asked the colorfully-dressed man.

"I don't think it is in your character, no," replied Clopin.

"I'll prove I can be bad!" Quasimodo stood to his feet.

"Let's see it," the jester gestured to the hunchback.

"Okay...watch me throw trash out the window. That's illegal you know."

Clopin nodded sarcastically.

The hunchback took a piece of scrap paper and held it out the window of the bell tower.

"Here I go," he mumbled to himself. He released the paper from in between his fingers and watched as it slowly drifted to the ground.

"Oh no!" Quasimodo gulped. "There is an officer out there! He's going to be really mad. I better go pick that up."

The hunchback raced down the stairs and out the front door. He chased the paper as the wind floated it around the town circle. He soon returned to the tower.

"Some bad boy," the jester teased.

"Okay, so I'm not a bad boy. What's next?"

"How about smart? Lots of girls love intellectuals."

"What's an intellectual?" Quasimodo inquired.

"Oh yeah, I forgot, you were home schooled by Claude Frollo. He didn't teach you anything about the outside world?"

"Not really, but I'm learning!"

"So you're unattractive, too nice, and stupid. What good qualities _do_ you have?"

"Well..."

"Are you funny?" inquired the jester.

"On purpose?"

"Yes, on purpose. Girls loooove funny guys."

"Then why don't you have a girl? Aren't you suppose to be funny?"

"Hey, that's pretty good. Maybe we found your attractive quality."

"But I was really asking. Why don't you have a girl if girls love funny guys and you are a jester?"

"Okay, now you are pushing it. But let's test this thing out. I know a restaurant a little ways out of Notre Dame that lets comedians preform for free. If a lot of people laugh, we'll know you're funny."

"Okay! And who knows, maybe I'll meet a girl there."

"Don't push your luck Quasi. It's hard to impress a room full of french people," Clopin spoke as he headed for the exit.

"Then I will start working on my jokes right away!" Quasimodo announced optimistically.

Part 2:

"I...I don't know about this..." Quasimodo began to back away.

"Now, introducing a first time performer, Quasimodo!" The man on the stage gestured toward the hunchback.

"Too late to back out now," Clopin shoved the hunchback onto the stage.

Quasimodo stumbled to the microphone.

"Hello Paris!" he shouted into the mic like a heavily drunk man.

He cupped his hand over his eyes, looking thoroughly through the crowd.

"Is it just me or is section of Paris made up only of men?"

Crickets.

"Uh...I..."

The crowd began to boo and spray beer at the stage.

Then, a young burgundy-haired woman walked in and took a seat a few tables away from the stage. Her large brown eyes fell upon Quasimodo as he stood in his silence.

Suddenly, Quasimodo felt like he couldn't back down quite yet.

"Ya' know, people automatically look at me and think I was born like this but in reality, I would hide behind my newspaper from people I recognized in public so much that my back just got stuck one day."

A few chuckles began to arise from the bar.

"No, I'm just playing. I _was_ born like this. But hey, I never need to spend much on a Halloween costume. Just slap on some fake blood and I'm the scariest thing those darn trick or treaters have ever seen."

More laughs drifted toward the stage.

"You're a good-looking crowd tonight."

A group of men cheered.

"Hey now, don't get your hopes up, even if the crowd was made up of all warty toads, it'd still be a good-looking crowd compared to what's on the stage. I get it, I've got a punchable face and by 'punchable face' I mean my face looks like it's been punched a lot."

Quasimodo looked at the woman in the crowd. She was grinning from ear to ear.

"By show of hands how many people were at the Topsy Turvy day in Notre Dame last year?"

Three people raised their hands and whistled.

"Here's a recap for those of you who missed it; I got voted King of Fools, aka the ugliest mask, but get this, no one knew it was a mask!"

The men began laughing so hard they were holding their stomachs.

"You should have seen their faces when nearly pulled my face off!"

People were out of their chairs rolling on the floor.

"You know, I was thinking about going into criminal justice for a while. If the criminal wasn't cooperating, they could just send me into the interrogation room pretending I would eat them or something. They would surely fess up. But the real reason I was considering it was because when I catch a criminal and they ask me 'how did you know it was him' I'd say, 'I got a hunch.'"

The crowd stood cheering. Coins were tossed to the hunchback's feet.

Quasimodo looked for the young lady. Her table stood empty.

He collected his coins and headed for the stage exit.

There she stood; her hair shinning under the dimmed lights.

"You're really funny ya' know that?"

"Thank you."

"Some of the guys told me it was your first time, is that true?"

"Yes," Quasimodo shyly replied.

"Wow! Ya' know, I come here a lot and I've never seen someone as funny as you."

"Oh..." Quasimodo's eyes dropped to the floor.

"I mean your jokes; they're funny!"

"Oh!"

"I love when people can laugh at themselves," she admired. "It's a great quality."

"Thank you!"

"Hey, want to get out of here? I have some people I know who'd love to meet you."

"Sure! Just give me a minute."

"Okay."

"Clopin! I pushed my luck against your suggestion and guess what?! I got a girl!"

"Good for you Quasi," the jester answered.

"Hey Clopin, why don't you try comedy, you might just get yourself a girl. Funniness is a great quality you know," the hunchback winked at his brightly-dressed friend.

The jester chuckled.


End file.
